The Runway is back!

Project Runway is BACK! I’m so excited I could pee my non-designer label Wal-Mart pants that I wore just for this occasion. Before the real show begins, however, we’re treated to some “all-star” special where designers from past seasons return to compete against each other.

Jeffrey Sebelia is back and he’s as assy as ever. Santino is there and he’s as pompous and obnoxious as ever. And they’re both still fucking ugly! I’m always completely mind-boggled when super physically unattractive people think they can be assholes.

What’s up with poor, dear, narcoleptic Chris March? The dude fell asleep a million times! Like during the sketching time and during the model casting. He was sleeping while everyone else was frantically working! The only thing that wakes that guy up is Santino’s baritone cackling.

As in past seasons, I liked Uli, Sweet P and Korto’s collections the most. I thought the worst was Daniel’s “dynamite” dress. Seriously, that shit looked like the model had a bomb or sticks of black dynamite strapped to her. Aaaaaand, of course, he won. I guess my Wal-mart wearing ass knows nothing about fashion.

All in all, it was a good show, and worth it just to see Jeffrey and Santino get diced right off the bat!

And now this email will self destruct…

Many people believe that women are crazy. I think this is an unfair assessment as men are crazy too. People do particularly crazy things when they are in love. This guy decided to take a two week trip to Europe and told his girlfriend, but she somehow forgot (I’m not sure I believe that part of the story, but whatever). She got the impression that he was just ignoring her, and what followed were multiple emails that chronicled her descent into a spiral of insecurity and insanity. It’s all at once depressing, funny, embarrassing, and shocking. I do think the guy is a dick for actually creating this video of her emails, but it did waste a good seven minutes. And now you can waste time too!

(This photo is unrelated, but is one of our favorite crazy woman moments of all time.)

Get high off your money

This is unbelievable! According to a new study, 90 percent of U.S. money is laced with cocaine, I guess from snorting it through the bills. Do you know why this is? It’s because celebrities have and spend the most money. I bet Lindsay Lohan alone is responsible for contanimating 89.9 percent of this “drug money.” Not to mention, now we know what happened to all the money sent in to buy Billy Mays products. Also, there are reports that Amy Winehouse is ready to “invade the U.S.” I suppose this means we’ll get the point where every single bill in America gets us high. We’ll all be walking around coked up just from breathing in through our noses around our wallets. Cool.

Why don’t you just pee directly on me?

According to AFP, in the Indonesian province of North Sulawesi, more than 2,500 scuba divers set a new Guiness World Record Monday for the largest mass dive. Um, let’s face it, this is also setting a world record for largest human urination in a natural body of water.

 

The event was held in North Sulawesi to establish it as a world-class tourist destination, as well as mark Indonesia’s independence day. They even unfurled the country’s flag underwater.

First of all, after seeing this photo of 2500 people urinating diving in one place, I know for SURE I will never vacation there. Although, I suppose they could claim the waters are warm, they cannot claim they are clear. And secondly, why unfurl the country’s most prized possession in giant cloud of pee? It will smell forever. Yet something tells me pee is the national odor of Indonesia.

Now THIS is an Ed Hardy I don’t mind looking at

Apparently, TLC HATES all the Ed Hardy shit Jon Gosselin wears as much as we do. They now blur out Jon’s cheeseball outfits because he looks like such a fucking douche. Now, if they could blur out his gay earrings and his ugly fucking face, we’d be set! Then if they could do some audio enhancements to give his voice more than one tone, he’d almost be like human!

The shot below is from last night’s episode in which Jon spent “quality” time with the twins. It was hilarious because the twins returned home early from a vacation with their mom to be with Jon and his comment was, “It’s great to have some company and someone to hang out with.” SERIOUSLY?!? Are we supposed to believe he just sits at home all alone waiting for his kids to return from vacation? If so, Jon is as fucking stupid as his outfits because we’ve seen him when he’s not around his kids and he hardly needs MORE company. Lies fly out of this guy’s mouth like hair follicles fly out of his head (or at least used to until his transplant).

Greasy hair; Babysitter affair

These people just will NOT go away.

According to E! Online another one of Jon Gosselin’s girlfriends, Hailey Glassman speaks! FINALLY! I’ve been waiting and waiting on the edge of my seat to see what the whore has to say! But then when I went to read the article, I was way too distracted by the accompanying photo. Really Jon? Hot pink shorts to match your stupid Ed Hardy shirts? And what the fuck is always up with Hailey’s hair? Does she EVER shower? She’s so gross and greasy. I can smell her scalp from here!

 

And, back on the homefront, CNN has reported that the cops were called to Jon and Kate’s house because they were having a loud argument in the lawn. Apparently, Kate disapproved of the babysitter Jon was fucking using that day. Of course she disapproves! Jon bangs every girl in sight, INCLUDING the babysitters. Those kids aren’t being watched, and good lord, let’s hope they’re not watching either!

Money won’t make you straight OR a good kisser

I caught an episode of Megan Wants a Millionaire today. Apparently, this gold-digging (and I have to say pretty stupid) bitch, Megan has made her rounds on reality TV. She got diced by Brett Michaels on one of his herpes-spreading dating shows and then she was on some other show about people who love money. Now, she’s choosing from a bunch of millionaire guys who want to be her boyfriend. Most of the guys are really ugly, tho, which is kind of funny. Like REALLY ugly. My fave is this self-proclaimed trust fund baby, Joe. He’s CLEARLY the gayest guy I’ve ever seen. Even gayer than that PC from NYC Prep. Anyway, just as Megan is about to eliminate him she tells him it’s because they don’t have a romantic connection. DUH! He’s into dudes! Oh, but turns out he’s still closeted, so to prove how into Megan he is, he swallows her face kisses her. Check out the photo below. It was the most disturbing “kiss” I’ve ever seen. Clearly, he thinks her lips are a dick. And she kept him on the show!!!

It's a kiss not a blow job!

Fatties are still in! (the male ones at least)

Apparently, the fat trend continues… this time just a little bit more subtly. Apparently there’s a cool new thing to pair with your v-neck t-shirt, and everyone hip in Brooklyn knows it and sports it with their cutoff shorts and fedoras. I’m not talking about a pair of Wayfarers – that’s so June 2009. So what is it?? The potbelly, of course. Duh.

sexy men

The New York Times has a lot of great articles, but a lot of really stupid ones too. The stupid ones are the ones I read, of course. First of all, the article itself is titled “It’s Hip to Be Round.” Oh, what a timely play on words of that current tune by the still very famous Huey Lewis and the News. Those guys are ALL OVER the place these days! Am I right, people? Just check out this cover of Rolling Stone Huey was on… in 1984.

This spare tire, which apparently has the moniker of the “Kramden” (yet another extremely timely reference that all contemporary Americans will get) “is a male privilege of long standing, of course, a symbol of prosperity in most cultures.” My fave is the quote from a gay guy, who clearly would be the authority. He so sagely states:

““I sort of think the six-pack abs obsession got so prissy it stopped being masculine,” is how Aaron Hicklin, the editor of Out, explains the emergence of the Ralph Kramden. What once seemed young and hot, for gay and straight men alike, now seems passé. Like manscaping, spray-on tans and other metrosexual affectations, having a belly one can bounce quarters off suggests that you may have too much time on your hands. It’s not cool to be seen spending so much time fussing around about your body,” Mr. Hicklin said.”

None of this applies to women though – sorry gals! Guess we’ll be continuing on our 1,000 crunches a day workout while the guys work at their trendy Kramdens, guzzling beer and donuts the whole time.

Really? You can’t afford a rubber?

So, as it’s been widely reported, Kourtney Kardashian – the manish midget sister of the Kardashian girls – is prego. At first I read she was “shocked” about the pregnancy. And then I read she “forgot to take the pill.” Um, you CAN’T be shocked at being pregnant if you forget to take the pill. Or you might just be super dumb.

Worse yet, the dad is her skeezy boyfriend, Scott Disick. I’m sure he’ll be a great dad! He’s only repeatedly cheated on Kourtney throughout their entire reality show series. And he just looks like an asshole with his greasy hair and shifty eyes. He must be friends with Jon Gosselin. However, I don’t blame him. Kourtney is the dumb ass that still screwed him even though he screws a million other girls.

All I can say is this is going to be one messed up child, but he/she will fit in with the rest of the messed up kids in LA. And, like the other exploited reality show kids, this one will for sure be the meal ticket for Kourt as I’m she will no doubt document her “mommy journey” on TV. It will be called something like, “Keeping up with the slicked-back hair douchebag and his manly (half-lesbo) girlfriend having their kid.”

The big, bad dyke goes ape shit in the congo!

This video is awesome! Hillary Clinton knows how to get up in anyone’s grill. It probably wouldn’t be as funny if she wasn’t sporting a lavender three-piece polyester suit. Seriously? She has to wear those hip-hugging cankle suits EVERYWHERE she goes? Shouldn’t she be in some safari gear or a plaid shirt? With a tool belt on? You know, the kind of tool belt that holds a machete and a fishing spear?

And could she be more pissed that she thinks the reporter is asking about her husband? I would bet a thousand dollars Bill banged that reporter … before Hill could.